What to Say When Nosy Aunt Nancy Asks About Your Divorce: Simple Scripts for Setting Boundaries During the Holidays

November 21, 2025

Every family has them – the nosy aunt, the judgy grandmother, the brother-in-law that is just looking for drama – and holiday gatherings tend to bring out the worst in them. If you’re navigating a recent separation or divorce, the idea of facing them can be daunting. 

While you may not be able to dodge their questions altogether, you can come prepared to deal with them. Here are some simple scripts you can use to protect your privacy and peace of mind this holiday season. 

When They Ask, “Where is [your spouse]?”

You’re not obligated to explain your divorce, your ex’s absence, or the details of your relationship. Depending on your comfort level, you can keep it neutral or insert some humor. Worst case, you get to have some fun coming up with imaginative responses.  

• “We’re celebrating separately this year.”
• “We decided it’s best to spend the holidays with our own families.”
• “[Name] ran away with the circus to follow their lifelong dream of becoming a lion tamer. Last I heard, they were somewhere in Kansas and hadn’t been eaten yet…”

When Someone Says, “But You Two Seemed So Happy…”

A simple, respectful response can close the door on further probing. You are not obligated to make anyone else feel better about your decision. 

• “Relationships often look different to people inside them.”
• “We had a great run, but our lives are taking us in different directions now.”
• “It was a tough decision, but this is what’s right for both of us."

When a Relative Criticizes Your Ex

If you and your spouse own a home, retirement accounts, or a business, dividing those assets fairly can take extra steps, such as appraisals or financial experts, which add to costs.

When They Ask, “What Happened?” or “Why?”

People are naturally curious, but you don’t have to share details. Redirecting the conversation back to them is an easy, gracious way to move on. Most people are happy to talk about themselves. 

• “It’s a long story, and today is not the day for it.”
• “It just didn’t work out, but I’m doing well, thanks for asking!”
• “I’d rather not get into that right now. I’d love to hear about [your recent trip, your new job, your upcoming birthday] instead.”

When Someone Brings Up Their Own Divorce

Even well-meaning advice can be overwhelming. Acknowledge their empathy and experiences without inviting unwanted advice or comparisons:

• “I appreciate you being open with me! I’m trying to take this one step at a time, and I’d rather not start comparing my divorce to anyone else’s.”
• “Thank you for sharing that — everyone’s journey is so different.”
• “Thanks for understanding — I’m doing my best to move forward.”

There’s no avoiding it: your first holiday season post-divorce can be uncomfortable, but it won’t always feel this way. Set boundaries, make peace with the fact that people will talk about your divorce no matter what you say, and give yourself permission to leave a room, a conversation, or a gathering if you’re uncomfortable. 

After all, your divorce is not something to be ashamed of, and anyone who would judge you for building a better life for yourself is not someone who deserves to be in it. 

It Won't Always Be This Way

There’s no avoiding it: your first holiday season post-divorce can be uncomfortable, but it won’t always feel this way. Set boundaries, make peace with the fact that people will talk about your divorce no matter what you say, and give yourself permission to leave a room, a conversation, or a gathering if you’re uncomfortable. 

After all, your divorce is not something to be ashamed of, and anyone who would judge you for building a better life for yourself is not someone who deserves to be in it.

Disclaimer: This article is current as of November 2025, and all content is provided for informational purposes only. None of the information provided in this article, or elsewhere on this website, shall constitute or be construed as legal advice. For information specific to your individual circumstances, call us at (301) 781-7930 today.